Speed Dating

Next time I play "Never have I Ever" I'll have one more weak spot. When I went to RUF's fall conference this weekend, I didn't expect the schedule for the first evening to include speed dating. Listening to a pastor's message, singing Christian songs, waking up groggy because we went to bed too late--those were things I was prepared for. About 10:30pm, though, one or two hundred chairs were set up in long rows facing each other, each with a girl sitting ill-at-ease, waiting. It looked like a human Bernie Bott's Every Flavor Beans (from both sides, I'm sure).

There were strict rules: guys had to ask the first question, and it couldn't be about our schools (we had several Florida schools attending), majors, hometowns, name, or sports. After two minutes, all the guys would shift down a seat and we'd begin afresh.

It was nice that everyone was eligible: Christian, my age, same state. Well, almost everyone was eligible. A few sentences into my conversation with one girl I notice that the guy to my right has edged his seat close to his girl and has his hands on her thighs, talking to her in an indistinct love-mumble. "I don't think we've made it that far in two minutes," I deadpan to the girl I'm speed dating. The guy next to me is quick to clarify that this girl is actually his real girlfriend.

The beginning of each date was the most difficult in some ways. The guy had the responsibility for the conversation, and I felt bad asking the same litany of questions to each girl, so I tried to let something spring up naturally when I introduced myself. Sometimes girls' names were difficult to pronounce, or they had on nice jewelry, or they were right in front of the fan. Then I could blab about "Penman" being easy to pronounce but difficult for people to spell (an extra 'n' looks so much more regal, doesn't it?), or how last Valentine's Day I was in China and didn't even realize people in America were giving each other presents, or how it was hard to hear in the room with everyone else talking.

With most people, though, I had to go for a random question. I tried, "What's your favorite band?" a few times, but since I'm clueless with music I couldn't lead the conversation very far. I got confused when I got to the end of the row and ended up sitting next to Dan, so I asked one girl what his first question had been to her. "'How many kids do you want to have?'" she recalled. I guess that's one way to speed date.

What surprised me was that, with some people, two minutes was too long. As the guy, I tried to lead the conversation, but there would come a point where I had to pause for a second so the girl could reply. That was the critical second. For some conversationally-adept girls, that pause never came, but if conversation didn't flow perfectly there would happen the most important second of our two-minute relationship. And some of my relationships didn't survive... such is life.

I find it interesting that in some cases, you only need two minutes. Obviously it's a sufficient test of compatibility (one girl I thought my speed date went well with ended up not having anything to say when I talked to her later), but it is a helpful test for incompatibility. I used to think that everything would be a lot easier if marriages were just arranged, and to a large extent I think relationships are dependent on willingness, but there's still a significant chunk that comes from personality. I didn't find two-minute true love, but I gave it a shot. I'm working on being desirable.

When it doubt, though, just balance a table on your chin to show your manliness. Where was speed dating, round two?