Orthography: Its Killer

How do you read the title to this post? And by "you," I don't mean the vague, "people" you that we use a lot, nor do I mean you the hypothetical reader; I uncomfortably address the person currently absorbing these words, because this post is powerless for an audience that isn't composed of individuals. Okay, now hold that thought while I lay out an introduction.

Each major has its own realm of assurance. Physicists insist that we follow physical laws, economists insist there are rules of incentive, historians disagree with people regularly enough that it's like a rule, and so on. English majors have an obligation to assure the world that spelling conventions are important. It's a loaded statement, I know. "Important!" you exclaim indignantly. "Well, it shouldn't be." But here's the thing: symbols aren't bad. Obviously, letters aren't bad, but I mean symbols generally. The ability to write a sentence according to society's standards of spelling and grammar is currently a symbol of a good education. I could argue that it's an end to itself, but I don't think that's necessary. All that's necessary is to say it's a symbol of it.

And symbols not being bad, seeing spelling as a symbol for a good education isn't bad either. Now, you can argue that there are more accurate, equitable symbols, but that really just hints at most people's problem with valuing spelling: people don't believe that good education exists. Because if good education exists, and it's marked by good grammar and spelling, and you don't have good grammar and spelling (or "don't care"), then you must not be getting a good education. People's first reaction to that thought is to get defensive and think it's an attack on their worth. Just to be clear, I personally value you as much as a person whether you can write flawlessly or, as someone writing to me recently brought into play, whether you honestly confuse "to" and "two."

If you can admit that good education exists (and if it helps you, Teach for America's starting proposition is that there is an education gap) then there must be a symbol for it. Diplomas exist because employers haven't lived college with us: they need the symbol, even if it is distorted.

And when you consider it, spelling and grammar as a symbol for good breeding is a pretty fair deal. You don't need to be rich, or wear the right clothes, or have a proper accent. Grammar and spelling are pretty robust, as statisticians would say. Jessica got me a shirt for my birthday one year that says, "Good grammar costs nothing." I always apologize for wearing it when people ask me. "A friend got it for me and I like the color," I demur. But the message is true: wealth (and lack of it) is not an excuse.

So that's all the theory I can make up for one day. Let's talk application: it's and its. The paragraph was coming, you knew from the beginning of this post. I'll just tell it to you straight:

1) It's a great day today.
2) Tomorrow is its own problem.

There's no excuse for the first one, really. Contractions use apostrophes.
"I'm not very good at orthography." [I am]
"I don't even know what that means." [do not]
"It's spelling." [it is]
"Really? I never would've guessed." [would have]

Please hear me: just because you use an apostrophe doesn't mean something is a contraction, but when you have a contraction, you use an apostrophe. For example, just because I'm a person doesn't make me a student at UF, but if I am a student at UF, I'm also a person.

So you look at your sentence and you ask yourself, "Is there an extra word I'm not saying?" If the answer is yes, it's a contraction and you need an apostrophe. Just to be obnoxious, I'm going to highlight all the contractions in the rest of this post so you know what I'm talking about.

Let's move on to the possessive case. I have some degree of sympathy for you if you get this one confused. For most things, indicating possession requires an apostrophe. "The cat's bowl is dirty." "Will's tone is not condescending." And so on. But pronouns are different. Just look: "His cat is in the freezer." "Our house burned down yesterday." No apostrophes!

It's the same thing with "its." You have to hunt to find a good neuter subject (like groups), but then it's a piece of cake. "Apple remade its laptops." "The History Club is on its own for funding."

Now for the pop quiz. I didn't make it easy, but there's only one question and it's an open-book test. Partial credit probably not given.

In the title of this post, do I mean "Orthography: it is really tough" or "Orthography: how it is dying"? Pass your papers forward with your name in the top right hand corner...